We’ve all made mistakes, whether it’s missing a deadline, having a tense conversation, or forgetting something small. How did you handle it? Most likely, you were hard on yourself. You’ve probably heard the advice to “be nice to yourself,” but what does that really mean? It’s easier said than done.
Self-criticism isn’t something you choose; it builds up over time. The good news is, you can learn how to stop it.
Wondering how? Read on.
Identify the Voice
The voice that criticizes you in your mind? You’re bigger than that. The inner critic is the real enemy. Because it knows exactly where to hit, it just feels like you’re doing it.
Name your critic the next time it appears. Call it “Critic Carl” or “The Judge.” Anything that makes it disconnected from you. You can now say, “Oh, it’s just Carl again,” as it begins to rant.
Would I Tell a Friend This?
Let’s say your best friend committed the same mistake as you. Would you say, “Terese kuch ni hone wala,” or “Wow, you’re so dumb”? Most likely not. You would reassure them that everything is fine, let them know it’s not a huge problem, and help them in moving on.
Why should it be any different for yourself? Treat yourself the same way you would a friend. It may seem mundane, but it works. “Would I say this to someone I care about?” should be your question the next time Critic Carl appears.
Question the Logic of the Critic
Although the voice of self-criticism may seem convincing, it’s almost always wrong. It’s like a bad lawyer trying to make a case without any evidence to back it up.
When it says, “You’ll never get this right,” ask yourself, “Where’s the proof?”
When it tells you, “Everyone thinks you’re a failure,” question if anyone has ever actually said that to you.
Most of the time, the answer will be no.
Recognize All-or-Nothing Thoughts
Extreme thoughts like “I’m always failing” or “I never do anything right” are common tricks of the inner critic, but life is rarely that black-and-white.
Here’s a simple way to push back: if you catch yourself using words like “always” or “never,” pause and reframe. Instead of saying, “I make mistakes all the time,” try, “I made a mistake this time, but it doesn’t define me.”
This shift helps your brain see the gray areas, the space where reality lives, even if it feels unfamiliar at first.
Use Curiosity in Place of Criticism
Choose curiosity over self-criticism. Instead of thinking, “I’m so bad at this,” ask, “Why did that happen?” Rather than saying, “I’m such a failure,” try, “What can I learn from this?”
Shifting your focus from shame to growth can drastically change your outlook. This also means moving away from toxic positivity—where emotions are dismissed in favor of constant optimism. If you want to understand how toxic positivity can impact your well-being, read more in our guide on spotting toxic positivity and protecting your mental health.
Appreciate Little Victories ( Even the Tiniest Ones)
We’re quick to focus on failures but slow to notice our successes. Had a tough day? That’s still a win. Showed up even when you didn’t feel like it? That’s something to celebrate. Start recognizing and appreciating the small victories, because they matter. Write them down if it helps. Over time, as those wins add up, the critic’s voice will fade.
Focus on Self-Compassion Rather Than Perfection
Being perfect is a trap. You will never feel good about yourself if you wait to feel good about yourself until you are flawless.
Self-compassion is not the same thing. “I’m human,” it declares. I’ll make mistakes, but that’s alright. Right now, you don’t have to love every aspect of who you are. All you have to do is quit blaming yourself for your humanity.
Stop Comparisons
Comparing yourself to others is fuel for the inner critic. But remember, you’re only seeing their highlight reel, not the behind-the-scenes reality. Next time you catch yourself comparing, ask, “What would my life look like if I focused on my own journey instead of theirs?” Your path is uniquely yours. Their success doesn’t diminish your worth.
Let Yourself Take A Break
Sometimes, when you’re exhausted, your critic becomes loud. Rest is essential; it is not lazy. Give yourself permission to stop, take a deep breath, and rejuvenate. You won’t believe how much quieter the critic becomes when you’re not feeling completely exhausted.
Final Thoughts
The goal isn’t to silence your inner critic forever; it’s to learn how to hear it without letting it take charge. Growth, not perfection, is what matters most. Choosing kindness over harshness and curiosity over judgment can shift the way you see yourself.
Remember, your flaws don’t define you, and your darkest thoughts aren’t who you are. You’re more than your struggles and setbacks. Being a work in progress isn’t just okay; it’s more than enough. Keep moving forward, one step at a time.
If you’re looking for additional resources and support on your journey of self-compassion and personal growth, we at Unikon.ai are here to help.